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Junior

by Evan Kelley

supported by
Nic walker
Nic walker thumbnail
Nic walker This is my brother. That is why I know this album. Not why I love it. It surprises me, I can’t predict a moment of its story, but it’s unfolding takes me on a visual road trip across a pastel desert landscape. If feels like I’m watching a sun setting. I can hear the wind and I’m glad my radio is broken.
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1.
Sweat drips off my bottle onto the floor. Dog standing tall. Walls breathing out and in and out again. Day spent awake. Brain starts to push and pull and push again. Your skin melts right through the bed. A chill strikes right through your head. Lights on, lights off, on again. Hands pulling elastic skin. Feel the blood flow through your veins. Shallow breath, eyes dilate. Sweat drips into your eyes. Heart beats fast in the place it occupies. Skin stretching over your rib cage. Lungs expand and fill with air and your heart starts beating at a quicker pace.
2.
Crew 03:12
I've gone bad for the crew. What's good for me, not good for you. Can I tell you a little secret? It's one that you knew; I'm falling to pieces. Dog standing on my back I'm walking Hoping she comes down and starts talking. Telling me that it will be okay. Reassuring there will be more days. I'm caught in between myself Want to see you, can you tell? Something woke me up last night. Terrified, bolted up right. It must have been a bad dream No longer in my memories. Heart rate returns to normal. Lie back down and feel the earth. Rotating underneath me. Let myself drift back to sleep
3.
The Dog 02:59
I’ve been simmering, it’s all I remember. I’m used to it now. I’m used to it now. Letting simple days reduce and dissipate. You showed me how. I know you showed me how… How to let pressure build up in your brain. Steam converted to the venom of a snake. Good dog plays dead, plays fetch, sits and he stays. Good dog bears her teeth and scares the snake away over the hill and through the tall grass. There she goes. Constantly feeling some sort of bubbling in my veins. Pressure builds and it will break my arteries. Who’s to blame? Can’t blame the dog for blaming itself for blaming the snake. Can I blame myself for every little thing, every single mistake? Try to multiply. Divide all of yourself.
4.
Tracing every outline so I will remember it. The humidity turns to rain that will fall down on our heads, we'll have to wring out our clothes, it soaked us right to the bone, but we can laugh it off, there is no need to stop, we can continue our walk. The air is heavy blankets weighing down on our shoulders, forcing us to lie in the grass, watching every second pass, my brain is making memories that I will forget. It's at the top of my list; please tell me what did I miss? My thoughts pushing and pulling with no forgiveness. A shiver crosses your skin. Where do we even begin? We'll start by finding the source of the needles and pins. Then later on that night, broke a bottle in my fist and then she stitched me up, sealed the glass that she missed. I hope it keeps raining. Please don't start retreating. Steam rises from concrete. That's the only thing I need. Staggered, shallow breathing. What could be the reason? Cold air starts to roll in. September ends, October begins. I am keeping track of every single second Graciously surrender myself to every seasons change.
5.
Listen to me Purple ceiling I will tell you everything Please just never speak of it Wanting to be Gone completely I'm attempting every way Working hard to feel nothing Sticking to me Sickly feeling Hoping that my brain waves stop Unplug it, stat from the top The dog is gone Guess I'll move on Break me into discrete parts Bury them miles apart
6.
7.
Esker 01:11
8.
I will burn holes right in the back of your eyes. You won't feel alive like you used to; siphoned your mind. Take up all your time. Tell yourself you’re fine. Trying to survive. Evil days ahead. Keep to yourself and don't leave your bed. Thinking slowly. Old memories, they own me. So much so, that I can’t see. What they're doing to me. So much so, that I can’t see. Circle thought catastrophe. Simple feeling existing in my head. Purple ceiling fades to blues and then reds. Shot down my spine and it all starts to change. Living inside myself, quiet screaming.
9.
Rib Cage 02:15
Wake me up early In the morning My eyes full of sleep Wash them out for me It would mean everything Steam rises up Clings to everything I'm still nodding off Trouble balancing I’m happy, crawling back in bed.
10.
The Summit 01:28
Light will fade as we reach the summit. No one has to know that we had to stop before we reached the top Blankets of snow and ice There is no sound Just our crunching steps Hoping not to slip Which turn do we take next? Made it down quick
11.
Own Me 01:17
Own me Melt in to my skin Control Everything that I’m in I don’t seem to mind Light boils my eyes Pupils dilate and let more in I won’t survive
12.
The old road To the Nine Acre Corner and counting The old war memorials as they fade into the warm February day You were calling out their names Can they hear what we say? I am starting to feel better 'bout who I am as of late Hoping all these thoughts will settle or start to disintegrate I know that I have to find a way out I'm outside staring at the moonshine now I know that I have to find a way out All these simple, sweet things make my life feel right I know that I have to stay the hell out of circle thought musings, back and forth, oh no I know that I have to figure it out A warm February day that breaks the winters cold

credits

released September 6, 2019

Performed, recorded, mixed, and mastered by Evan Kelley.
Written between April of 2017 and June of 2018.
Recorded between January and June of 2019.

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Evan Kelley Massachusetts

Acoustic music from Massachusetts.

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