1. |
Fragments
01:58
|
|
||
|
I'm living my life in fragments and part of me wants to believe that this was meant for me.
I'm working on giving up the goal of my heart. I'm working on exercise. I'm working on eating right.
Days spent wide awake all feel the same, but so does everything. I can't even begin to think what it would be like on the day that I die.
I'm living my life day by day and I guess it works, but I'm not really sure everything that we're doing is meaningful and I'll be sure to pull...
...these memories around my whole life and I won't forget the day I became something that I will always regret.
I'm living my life in fragments and part of me wants to believe that this was meant for me.
|
||||
2. |
Today
01:51
|
|
||
|
I had it figured out before we reached Canton and before we hit Walpole.
It's the kind of day that makes me life seem fun, briefly suspending all responsibilities to come.
I'd gladly wait in line for hours, happily joining in conversations that aren't ours, blissfully talking to the people I just met, usually I'm anxious but today I'm content with my life and everything just seems completely fine.
Today I feel at home.
|
||||
3. |
People That Care
03:04
|
|
||
|
The people that I care about know I died days ago in my bedroom at home in the middle of the night.
Now all of you people will tell me and my family that you are sad to see me go and that death came to soon, but I'm confused...
...as to why we're talking, we didn't talk before, it seems kind of strange that all you people who barely saw me would tell my family that you miss my smiling face.
All of you people I knew in my high school days swore to God that you would never speak to me again...
...but when death gripped it's icy hands around my neck you were the first to pretend that we were ever friends.
Now I see what's important to you is not what happened to me and that's just how it goes...
...in a society where completely fake sympathy will impress everyone you know.
I won't try to force these feelings just so I can feel something at all.
You still haven't learned your lesson, you still haven't learned what life's about.
How long do you think it will take you to realize...
...that someones life has meaning even before they die.
|
||||
4. |
A Place
02:25
|
|
||
|
I know a place...
where the seasons change...
and the grass is just as green this time around, but the kids have grown up and moved out.
The trees are taller now.
Maybe they've lost some bark.
Maybe the neighbors lawn is overgrown and you remember when it used to be proud yard.
Things always change...
someday anyway.
How could you be so naive to think that things would stay the same?
I remember the holes in your fence...
and the way the downpours would rinse...
all our troubles down the storm drains and it meant the world.
And it meant the whole damn thing.
Until we are engulfed in flame,
but there's no need to worry about that now it's a long ways out.
|
||||
5. |
Faith in God
01:33
|
|
||
|
Eventually childhood wears out and you're stuck with a job that you don't even want at all, I swear to God, even though he hasn't done that much.
Losing all the friendships that I cared about, even though I promised myself that I wouldn't let this happen at all, but the pain will dull into a distant memory...
...and if there is a point I still can't see...
...the use of keeping up this old relationship that obviously has run it's course. There is no need to even force...
...something that's not there.
I guess it boils down to my faith in God and if he is so damn righteous then why is he never coming down to help us out?
My belief is like those friendships I once held.
|
||||
6. |
Cold Mornings
03:06
|
|
||
|
Startled awake by my cell phone's ring tone.
Time to get out of bed, time for me to get ahead.
Walk out my front door once again,
cold air hits my face, my hair freezes to my head.
Days turn to weeks, turn to months, turn to years. Just a way to separate all this time inside your brain.
Days fade away and morning comes again, with it comes the cold air and all of the icy breath.
Walking to my bus not a thought inside my skull.
"How long will I be here?" I surely can't even tell.
Drag my feet, greet my friends, and fall back asleep.
How long will I sit here with no one right next to me?
Days turn to weeks, turn to months, turn to years. Just a way to separate all this time inside your brain.
Days fade away and morning comes again, with it comes the cold air and all of the icy breath.
I don't want to be silent anymore, stuck behind my thoughts, stuck behind my bedroom door.
It feels like things change everyday knowing that I will stay completely the same.
Figuring my life out step by step, finding ways to avoid this horrible mess.
I'm not sure how long it will take for my brain to thaw so I can feel okay.
|
||||
7. |
Casey and Ashley
03:25
|
|
||
|
I don't have a lot to show,
except for all these empty holes,
from the last few years time spent wishing for that time back.
Countless nights falling asleep to memories of Casey and Ashley.
Like, that time we went to Bellingham and fell asleep on the floor again.
It all seemed so normal.
Days spent asleep and nights spent wide awake.
Trust me that things will never feel the same now...
that you are all gone...
and trust me that something feels wrong.
I will just sit here and wait...
for something to go ahead and change.
I've had better days.
Stuck inside this place.
I'll learn from my mistakes and I'll never change.
|
||||
8. |
Great Career
03:51
|
|
||
|
The last five years have been an interesting journey and I will spend my time completely terrified...
...of what the next five will bring for me and my friends. I don't want to lose them but I know time will stem...
...us into different paths and routes and you still haven't heard the news about how our lives will go once we move away from home.
And you'll get a great career and you'll move far away from here and that's just how it goes when you're on your own. That's just how it goes when you're on your own.
The last five weeks have been a blurry god damn mess and I will spend my time worrying how to dress...
...for these interviews that I have to do, though I don't want that, I would rather spend...
...my time on the road again with all of my best friends going state to state wondering where we'll stay.
And we'll sleep inside our car and trust me it is not to far until we reach our home, it's just up the road. Until we reach our home, it's just up the road.
Though I don't have a lot to say, I've said it all before and I will say it again.
We'll all be home by next Tuesday, finally, happily, sitting in your basement.
Though I've lost some of you through mistakes that I could not have changed.
You will always act the same because you are stuck in your ways.
Trace your mistakes back to the source.
Trying to forget, trying to unwind, trying my hardest to relax.
I'ts not a plan I could force.
I don't have anything to be afraid of anymore.
|
||||
9. |
Silver Coins
00:55
|
|
||
|
I misjudged the value of all these silver coins in my pockets, making me feel like nothing at all, making me feel like this wasn't my fault...
that I'll come home late at night, curl up in bed with my clothes on. Maybe I'll make it all the way through, maybe I'll make it home to you.
And I'm sorry I haven't called in weeks, I've just got a lot on my mind lately. Every time I pick up the phone I feel so damn alone.
|
||||
10. |
Bottles
03:46
|
|
||
|
My biggest fear in life's not knowing when my life will come to an end, when will I end?
Everyone's saying, "you shouldn't think about that, you should worry about everything that's at hand. Do you understand? Do you understand? Do you understand?" "I understand."
It's not the idea of death that gets to me, it's the idea that life ends suddenly, I guess you could call me paranoid. You could call me paranoid.
Is it really worth it to know the day that you die?
I'll spend my life worrying about how I'll spend my time.
It's a shallow existence I'm not ready to lead.
I'll live my life in fear, happily.
Then we want to start focusing on other things we want to focus on the memories that we have made.
I would trade my time for double the time to swap another story or two,
downstairs in your basement, downstairs where they can't hear us.
I lost track of time about an hour or two ago.
Then you will come and ask me what to do with these secrets, our dirty laundry, dirty laundry.
Throw 'em in the woods!!!
Is it really worth it to know the day that you die?
I'll spend my life worrying about how I'll spend my life.
It's a shallow existence I'm not ready to lead.
I'll live my life in fear, happily.
|
||||
If you like Evan Kelley, you may also like:
Introspective, homespun folk tunes from John Donne that feel informed by the sugary bleakness of '80s and '90s indie pop.
go to album
Once Upon A Time In Montréal
by Murray A. Lightburn
The folk artist explores grief through these smooth and soulful tracks.
go to album
Hell on Church Street
by punchbrothers
A re-envisioning of Tony Rice's classic album "Church Street Blues" from Brooklyn progressive bluegrass quartet Punch Brothers.
go to album
The St Buryan Sessions
by Sarah McQuaid
Recorded live at St Buryan Church, the latest from Sarah McQuaid is a showcase for the simple power of voice & guitar.
go to album
Anthemic and hook-laden folk-rock from Grace Petries is full of both good humor and wryly poetic observations on life and love.
go to album
A Mutable Feast or: The Ghost of a Flea
by John Donne
Lovely folk-based music with soft corners and dreamlike melodies, full of fairy-tale-like enchantment.
go to album
crookhollow and variations
by poor horse
An intimate (and instrumental) improvised solo guitar meditation on the vastness of the unknown, from the Appalachian mountains.
go to album
